The Big Chop Is a State of Mind

The Mental Processing of Letting Go and Acceptance of Your Hair Journey.

This article was written Spring of 2021.

The big chop is a state of mind. Society tells women you need long hair to be beautiful and attractive. My sister told me once you cut your hair short, you must be ready. Then even when you think you’re ready, no matter how many times you consciously process the act of chopping off your hair, you still may not be. A huge chop could lead to self-esteem issues so you gotta be ready for the mental impact of your decision.

I didn't think much of what my sister said was going to affect me. However, she was right there is a psychology behind women chopping their hair off. I felt chopping off my hair would be fun, wild and freeing. I saved natural hair photos of Black women with side cuts, bleached hair, undercuts and so on. I just wanted a new pep in my step. I didn't have a specific reason I just wanted a big change going through a worldwide pandemic.

On May 26, 2021, I chopped off 4 inches of hair leaving 1 inch on. Before this act of reclaiming my womanhood, I was already fully natural with long hair since February. Back then it was liberating and an accomplishment I had been pursuing for a while. Plus, I was ready to enter into the natural hair community then.

I was the girl who said, "it's just hair, it'll grow back". And yes it does and it will but the truth is I was not ready for the big chop.

I am not sure, even in writing this, if I was prepared for the emotional spiral I was gonna go through. A quick decision I had been looming over for a few days turned my wash day routine into a summer of utmost regret. Long story short I took out my cutting scissors and went to town on this head. I even posted my process on Instagram stories (2nd mistake), envisioning myself as the Pinterest photos I saved prior and sharing with everyone. I was harsh on myself and now I was letting Instagram know how much I regretted this decision. Another thing, I wasn’t prepared for the wave of online comments to come through with love and friendly laughter. I believe my dreadful expression geared such support but it also lowkey concerned people that I thought my newly short do even WAS a mistake.

The concerning comments caused me to reflect deeper into a sense of regret but also power.

Regret is the quick minute decision I made in the spur of a moment. It was the unknown emotional attachment I had to my own hair. I was the girl who said, "it's just hair, it'll grow back". And yes it does and it will but the truth is I was not ready for the big chop.

Power is the slow winding proclamation of confidence that rises after I wipe my tears. It is me regaining my power one day at a time, finding the beauty in me and doing the self-work I just uncovered. The concern I felt from others was enlightening enough for me to confront my sense of self once again. I had to ask myself who am I now without this specific part of me.

Somewhere a little Black girl is growing to love hers

As Black women we get the brunt of hair hate with institutions and society asking us to change or tame our natural hair to fit a formal image. I had only been natural for all of 4 months and just now feeling the weight of my hair's appearance. Knowing the process Black women like me have gone through, it was heavy but I understood.

At the moment, I am growing to fall in love with my hair. Watching the short film Hair Love reminded me that somewhere a little Black girl is growing to love hers and needs me to support and protect her future.

I know that my hair is lovely. It is a kiss from God to the roots of my family and it is mine to cherish forever.

Tell me your Hair Love Journey!

-Your Darling Dot