Don't Apologize for Your Afro: How I Grew to Love Mine

Embrace your curls, love your nappy edges, thank God for the way your hair grows towards Him. Before I transitioned, I heard these sayings and thought yes queen YOU do that as I placed perming chemicals on my head to straighten my hair. However now as a completely natural woman I understand why the "love your fro" movement was necessary.

Photo by Lee chinyama : https://www.pexels.com/photo/rear-view-portrait-of-woman-with-afro-9703514/

It was in a video call with my homegirl that when I answered, I looked at myself in the little box and immediately started to judge my own appearance. "Sorry I am looking like this", picking at my tangled baby fro, "I'm looking a lil ugly right now" laughing it out. And just like the good friend she is before I could go any further, she stared at me, eyes surprised by my words and said "ummm tsk tsk we don't apologize for our afros on Black History Month, the audacity!!". She was correct! We don’t need to say sorry for the way our hair grows naturally. I shouldn’t feel less attractive because of my decision to let my hair be free. Plus, my choice should never be rooted in fear of judgment from others. I was perplexed as to why I felt this way about my hair. I mean it's just hair why did I all of a sudden have an unnecessary attachment.

Where Do I Begin

For as long I can remember I had permed hair since elementary school. It was long, healthy, shined and bounced. I was happy and content and always thought I’d be that way. Once I got to high school, I began taking breaks to let it grow before my next treatment. The comments I heard in between that time were encouraging but not in the uplifting way. One friend (who was white) encouraged me to continue to use the perm consistently. “You need a new perm” my white friend would say while looking towards my scalp. I wasn’t a confrontational person back then, so I kept my feelings about their comments inside. However, once I got a fresh new perm, I subtly noticed a change in the interactions I had with my peers. (Side Note I attended a predominantly white high school in Boca Raton. Enough said.) It was those interactions and that special attention as a teen that I perceive that made me attach my perm hair to beauty and attraction instead of my natural hair.

Wake UP Call

My thoughts and perception about Black hair changed in college as I discovered myself more. I realized even though I loved my permed hair with its daily ease and functionality. I wanted to get deeper into my roots and eventually quit perming for good. During this time a movement among Black women was growing for showing natural hair journeys and had I decreased my perms to twice a year.

I would see Lupita Nyong'o and Solange and instantly think YOU go girl, not me, but you do that. I was still holding on to that little bit of comfort and validation I felt from those years. *As seen from the line of demarcation happening on my head*. But that final moment came during this pandemic in 2020 when I made the decision to completely quit holding on and let it go. My last perm logged on December 11th, 2019, and February 2021 I chopped off my permed hair!!

I finally felt compelled to let all that past energy go! The straightness of my past and the Black beauty standards from white peers. All of that I cut off snip by snip and threw on the ground to be trashed. It was absolutely freeing, and I saw a new more grown adult me.

Chopping off my perm was me telling myself and everyone that I was ready to embrace the one within me. I had never seen my hair natural. I had never felt the true tangles and curls between my fingers that come with new growth. It was wild and untamed in a good way, and I honestly loved every inch of it more than I thought I would.

My homegirl reminded me of who I am and who I wasn’t anymore. To never ever apologize for my afro even on messy days and even on wig days. I am always beautiful. I was back then, I am today and so I will be tomorrow.